What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
