Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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