Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
