So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
