Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
