You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
