mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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