I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
