he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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