Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
