When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
