Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
