I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
