Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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