You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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