You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
