my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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