so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
