I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
