I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
