just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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