Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dick very happy bro
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
