My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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