are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
