I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
