I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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