so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
