Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My life is pants optional.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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