I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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