Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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