im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
