Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
