I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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