I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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