Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Never underestimate the power of titties
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
