Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
