Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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