So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
