Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
