fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
