tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
