I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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