i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
