Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
