I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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