So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
