i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
