he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
