I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
