if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
